#22 The Big Person: Why Your Family Borrows Your Nervous System with Dr Vanessa Lapointe

Why do so many high-functioning women hold it together all day, then unravel somewhere between the front door and dinner preparation? In this episode, Dr Kristy sits down with registered psychologist, bestselling author and international speaker Dr Vanessa Lapointe to unpack the invisible emotional load ambitious women carry as the steady anchor of their families, teams and workplaces.

Vanessa shares the single most reframing idea in this conversation: all overreaction is an age regression. When you snap over the shoes in the hallway, it is rarely the grown-up in you speaking. Together, Kristy and Vanessa explore identity whiplash, the childhood programming that makes boundaries feel unsafe, the science of rupture and repair, and why atonement beats apology every time. Vanessa also shares, with disarming honesty, what buying into the myth of having it all cost her, and the simple morning ritual that now anchors her day.

If you are the emotional thermostat of your household or your team, this conversation is your permission slip: even on your worst day, you are still your people's best bet.

Dr Vanessa Lapointe’s website- https://drvanessalapointe.com/ 

Instagram-  https://www.instagram.com/dr.vanessalapointe/ 

References from the episode:

Tronick, E., & Gold, C. M. (2020). The power of discord: Why the ups and downs of relationships are the secret to building intimacy, resilience, and trust. Little, Brown Spark. 

Elkind, D. (2007). The power of play: Learning what comes naturally. Da Capo Press. 

In-episode claim that one of the highest consumer uses of generative AI chat tools is seeking parenting advice. \

https://www.luriechildrens.org/en/blog/ai-parenting-statistics/ 

In-episode description of oestrogen as a hormone of accommodation; this is a colloquial framing, not a clinical term.